The NDP Dilemma

At the end of the federal NDP convention in Halifax I got a chance to ask ("future Prime Minister") Jack Layton about what I was really wondering.

“Could it be that the best role for the NDP is a perennial opposition party that serves as an advocate for the left from the outside of government?”

The answer I got was vintage Jack - bold and eloquent while skipping over the real point.

“Some people might think that. But I think the best approach is the one that Tommy Douglas used, which was to take the ideals that we stand for and turn them into actual results for Canadians.”

To be fair, the NDP hasn't been bad at doing that. They hold more sway than ever in this era of minority governments, particularly if they hold the balance of power. During close elections other parties (Ok, the Liberals) will crib their promises to win leftist support and occasionally they can shame and shove their opponents into using some of their ideas.

But that's about it. Even under ideal circumsances they couldn't gain a full percentage point of the popular vote last election and once again finished fourth behind a party that doesn't even want to be in Canada.

It's very likely this is all the influence the NDP will ever have. That's not so bad when you look at the tons of failed parties over the years. But it looks like the dream of forming government is now hurting the NDP more than helping them.

The top ranks of the party really seem to want to move toward the centre and take a shot at contending. But at this weekend's convention there was no mistaking the lack of appetite for that amongst the party's grass roots. Even a modest centrist bill to reduce taxes for small businesses was left to the backburner, presumably because of a lack of support.

On the flip side, a motion to legalize marijuana also got scuttled away so far down the agenda it had no hope of surfacing. Legalization is an issue that makes sense in many ways, has tons of Canadians supporting it and would bring the NDP loads of publicity. It's too controversial for the Liberals or Tories to adopt but is it really too controversial for the fourth-place party? The delegates this weekend seemed to think so, which is crazy. The NDP is playing like they've got a ten-point lead when they should be throwing Hail Marys.

If I were an NDP member I'd be screaming for the party to make up its mind one way or the other - move to the centre and try to win, (still highly unlikely despite Darrell Dexter pulling it off) or be a true advocate of left wing ideas. You can't do both effectively.

Darrell Dexter: Second only to Rodney MacDonald
in leading the NDP to a majority government.

So for now the NDP will continue to tread water and scrounge to pick up a few more fractions of the popular vote.

I'd like to end off on some cheesy words of wisdom quote but can't think of one at the moment. So instead I'll quote something made up by me, just now: "Not winning isn't so bad if you're able to make the most of losing."

Or even better, this election night quote by Jack Layton I just made up: "I just lost to Stephane Dion and Stephen Harper? To hell with this, I'm gonna go get drunk."

The column that (may or may not have) got me fired as a columnist

Today is Friday and some of you may notice something is missing. About eight months ago my paper got me to start writing a weekly column called Urban Compass. Topics varied but it mostly involved me telling readers which direction was north. I really hated that name.

However the column has come to an end. I've been told by the higher ups in Toronto that from now on the only people who will now have access to my unbridled rants are those who happen to be within earshot, or I guess read this blog.

It all started a couple weeks back during pride week when I wrote a column on how to make Halifax more gay. Though the reader feedback was very pretty positive, I was told it was "too close to the line" and a couple days later informed I wouldn't be writing a column anymore.

However I was told it was because they don't want reporters writing columns because of conflict of interest concerns, not because of the gay column itself. So perhaps the timing was just a coincidence. Either way, this means all my loyal fans (Jill, Nancy) will no longer get their UC fix every Friday.

The column itself has been scrubbed from the website and I've had a few requests to actually see it, so I thought I'd post it here. Enjoy:



With its phallic lighthouses, fondness for sailors and propensity for dressing tugboats up as men, it’s safe to say Halifax is pretty gay.

But it could be gayer.

Despite all the progress being celebrated now during Pride Week, I still know some people who live in this comparably gay-friendly city that don’t want to come out of the closet.

No one should have to live a lie, so perhaps we should do more. There are enough boring straight cities in the world – I’m looking at you, Moncton – so why not make Halifax a real gay icon? Here are some suggestions:

More kilts – Wearing a kilt is the closest a guy can get to cross-dressing without people wondering if they should address him as madam. Why not get everyone in on the fun with special kilt-themed days months.

This works particularly well because it’s subversively gay. Just package it under the guise of Scottish culture and even the staunchest of conservatives will want to feel the breeze.

Downsides – windy days.

Kiss and make up – This one has the extra benefit of also helping to fix our divided political system. After every heated legislature session the leaders of all parties should have to hug it out.

Just imagine how all the anger and vitriol of politics would melt away when Premier Darrell Dexter buries his head into opposition leader Stephen McNeil’s shoulder (or midriff, the guy is like 100 feet tall.)

Note that this would actually be slightly straighter than normal at the moment because Tory interim leader Karen Casey is a female. But this is Nova Scotia so before long all three parties should be run by middle-aged white guys.

Downsides – tear stains expensive to dry clean.

Paint the bridges rainbow coloured – Impractical? Only to those who lack imagination.

Our bridges’ current colour schemes of patchy, camouflage green can at best be described as only somewhat gay. Imagine how famous the bridges would be if we made them icons of pride and unity.

Plus bridges are actually shaped like rainbows, so it’s really a no-brainer. Of course the names MacDonald and MacKay would have to be jazzed up. Perhaps something like Macsamesexmarriage Bridge, or simply The Cher Bridge

Possible downside – increased chance of unsuspecting foreign ships crash into bridge supports; confused leprechauns.

Remove the ‘l’ from the Clock Tower on Citadel Hill – because why not?

Downsides: none.

Here's to you, Mr. Medel

If you work in journalism it's only a matter of time before you have to write an embarrassingly cheesy story. As long as people keep building homeless shelters or finding new modes of transportation on which to cross the country for sick children it can't be helped.

CTV had a great example a couple months back when they did a story on some New Brunswick woman who went to Israel and took a picture of Jesus. Allegedly.

She shot some fountain and later discovered the photo came out with a bright halo-type blur in the foreground. Naturally she assumed the son of God was lurking around and chose to reveal himself via lens flair to a cheap Canon camera (which is silly. Everyone knows Jesus lurks around us revealing himself in high-pitched sounds only dogs can hear.)

I thought this was kind of cool because the same thing happened to me a few years earlier. It was St. Patrick's day I think. I took a picture of my friend Petra and later discovered she was partially obscured by a glowing, circular light. Like any rational person I realized that the wrist strap of my camera had flipped in front of the lens, caught the flash and reflected back. But had I known Petra and I could have gotten on TV by claiming Christ Almighty had come back to chill with us in lens flair form I definitely would have.

I think I deleted the original photo but here's a sort of similar example, it's really quite common.

From Left to Right: Heather White, wrist-strap Jesus, Myra Bloom

I know a lot of people are still mad at CTV anchor Steve Murphy since the whole Dion language-screwing incident, but on this day he possessed the acting chops of a chubbier Daniel Day-Lewis. Though this woman was stupid even by New Brunswick standards, he sat and nodded politely, even seeming genuinely interested.

Somewhere out there Stephane Dion was laughing maniacally (in french).

This week the bad story baton was handed to Chronicle Herald reporter Brian Medel, widely considered Southern Nova Scotia's Hemingway.

Tuesday's story by Medel (or whoever wrote it first. Medel is most well known for being a serial plagiarist who the Herald continues to employ despite laying off many of their best repoters a few months ago) was about a rural Nova Scotian guy who writes poetry about Sidney Crosby. Here's the lede:

"The 1970s produced Rhymin' Paul Simon.
The 21st century has Rhymin' Paul Blauvelt. He can't help it.
Watching Sidney Crosby stickhandle his way up and down the ice keeps this fan so captivated that he just has to express himself by writing poetry about it all."

Wow, kicking it off by calling the guy the Paul Simon of the whole 21st century. Simon of course being one of the greatest songwriters of all time and known for his beloved lyrics from the profound - "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenements halls and whispered in the sounds of silence" - to the whimsical - "Who am I to blow against the wind?"

So no pressure. Let's see some examples, courtesy of Medel. From Blauvelt's poem You're The Man, Sidney:

"This goes to show that hard work pays off if one holds on to their dream
It wasn't anything shot of amazing watching the penguins gel as a team."

And from an earlier poem:

"I think God looked down on Nova Scotia from His portals up in Heaven.
He said, 'I'm going to send them a superstar who will wear the number 87.'"

OK, not exactly 'angels in the architecture' level stuff here, but at least they rhyme and have almost the same number of syllables. Maybe we need to see a longer passage to get the full effect. Here's an excerpt from the story of Blauvelt's poem National Treasure, Provincial Gem:

"If he steers clear of injuries
He will only get better with age.
It's time we got some profile
On the national stage"

and

"We've produced other great players.
Please don't take this the wrong way,
But you don't come across players
Like Sidney Crosby every day."

Rhyming "players" with "players" eh? Bold choice. So why is this stuff in our Paper of Record instead of on some junior high kid's Myspace page? I guess it just goes to show how irrationaly in love people are with Sidney Crosby.

There was that story during the provincial election campaign where politicians removed their campaign signage from beneath a "Cole Harbour: Home of Sidney Crosby" sign because some irate wacko put up a "respect our hero!" sign.

Used to be you needed to do something vaguely brave or heroic or at least be a volunteer firefighter to be called a hero. Now playing hockey apparently qualifies you. The Herald isn't even trying to disguise their desperate yearning to french kiss Sid. They're busy pimping their 12-page souvinir edition of Crosby's Stanley Cup parade complete with a poster and online video wrap-up.

They're even handing out Mission Accomplished signs at the parade. Sure, ever since George Bush the term has become a symbol of over-confidence and hubris. Why not just hand out photoshopped pictures of Crosby swimming in the harbour with Peter Kelly? But whatevs, Sidney Crosby!!

Just another great day for the media. As for Brian Medel and Paul Blauvelt, let's end off with some advice from Paul Simon:

"Want to be a writer, don't know how or when? Find a quiet place, use a humble pen."