How to throw a successful naked sushi party

When my friend Lizzy Hill invited me to a naked sushi party, I mistakenly envisioned a bunch of butt naked people standing around eating.

"I'm in," I told her.

It turns out you go fully clothed and eat sushi off of naked people who lie as still as possible trying to closely emulate a plate. The tradition started in some crazy country - Japan, I assume; the whole thing reeks of Japan - and made its way over here because we love to follow down their crazy paths. Mark my words, our streets will one day be lined with vending machines despensing the underwear of virgins.

Anyway, I arrived at Lizzy's early to help set up. My first piece of advice for throwing a naked sushi party is to have your guests show up good and hungry. After starving for a few hours your body will be ready to eat off any surface, regardless of what feeble protests of "strangeness" and "hygiene" your brain can muster.

Another good strategy is to get everyone drunk. Lizzy had her friends bring a healthy dose of wine to get loosened up. Drugs would also work but nothing too heavy, eating food off a naked person is weird enough without thinking their nipples are talking to you.

Lizzy was able to use her north end scene connections to find two volunteers(!) for the evening. Setup is key. Two tables were prepared and lined with candles in such a way that things wouldn't seem "too gynocological." Guests were corralled into the kitchen of Lizzy's apartment to get buzzed while the models went to a seperate room to psych up and strip down.

Eventually a bell was rung and the dozen or so guests headed to the living room. The covered in sushi part was weird, but the most striking thing was that both models were physically perfect and totally hairless below the eyebrows. They lay face up and totally still, as if in a trance. Guests were instructed not to touch the models - except with chopsticks - or to talk to them.

And yes, you could see prettymuch everything. The girl - an attractive woman named Natalie who is apparently a burlesque dancer - had sea shells over her nipples but that's about it. Both her and Redman, Lizzy's hairdresser, had floral arrangements over their crotches but they did more to more garnish their genitals than conceal them.

It was surprisingly unawkward. People hung out as they normally would and there was no jackass making too-obvious jokes ("Is that a spicy tempura salmon roll or are you just happy to see me?").

Despite the no-talking rule, one girl sweetly clutched Redman's hand, squeezed it, and repeated "you look beautiful." I, meanwhile, was busy greedily plucking sushi from his shoulder and focusing on not dropping any soya sauce in his eyeball.

For music, Lizzy's roommate Lee searched 'background japanese restaurant music' into youtube, which worked kind of well. Eventually people got on the laptop and started playing whatever came to mind. Hip hop didn't quite seem to match the vibe of eating fish off a seemingly-comatose naked stranger but by that point everyone had drank enough wine that it didn't matter.

So what was the point of it all? Honestly, I have no idea. According to the weabsite SushiOrDeath.com (uh, I choose sushi?), the practice is called Nyotaimori and is a sub-fetish of food play. Others say there's nothing sexual about it. Also Nyotaimori, like freedom, is banned in China.

Whatever it is, it isn't sexual. It's too awkward an environment to be arousing, and yet too interesting to really be awkward. All I know for sure is it's a fun story and Lizzy knows how to throw a hell of a unique party. Also, she makes good sushi.